I have learnt over the years that the more I strive to be transparent and honest, as I seek for God, the more relevant He becomes in my life. I was a 25 year old awkward adolescent virgin who giggles and blushes when I think about the facts of life. It’s sad to say, that many Christians are still at this stage or, should I say, still living in the dark age. I also strive to make a difference in the lives of others. I realize that I should focus on my spiritual man, but the total man needs growth emotionally, physically, spiritually, socially, mentally and economically. My emotions, body, and every other aspect is vital. I wholeheartedly believe God wants us to embody well-rounded wholeness.
The truth about myself is, even though I’m spirit lead and I’ve yielded my body and mind to Christ, growing up I realized that I had fully functioning sexual organs. At times we can suppress our sexuality as children of God, but there comes a time when we can’t do anything else but acknowledge the FEEL. You feel the loneliness and you feel the sexual desires simultaneously. For some of you, you feel as though it’ll never be fulfilled. I used to also feel like that.
As I approached my 25th birthday, I felt the strong desire to know what true physical and emotional intimacy feels like, within the context of marriage of course. I was turning 25, and it was two weeks before my terrible red sister came back to visit me. How I dreaded her very sure visits, every month, without my invitation.
I lived alone at the time, and I remembered lying on my sofa bed, looking up at the ceiling, and talking with God vehemently about sending me my husband. I’ve spoken to Him about this frequently. Truth be told, beloved, in that moment, I bit my lips when I realized how engrossed I was with these sexual, pleasureful feelings I was encounting. (I knew it was my feelings and not my emotions because I was a virgin at the time).
Seriously ladies, The best thing I could do was cry out to Jesus. So, I cried out aloud and said, “Sweet baby Jesus, mother of God, won’t you please help me, PLEASE HELP ME! Would you please send me a man!”
Lol, you can muse on that if you’ve been there. Didnt I say I talk to God about EVERYTHING!? Please, beloved of God, learn to give God more space in your emotions. In fact, I talked with him about it every time I felt that way. One time I tried to joke with God because we’re friends. I told him I knew I few single brothers I could call to help take care of these feelings. But I wouldn’t dare because I know my body is His temple, (1 Corinthians 6:19
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? ) I fear Him, I belong to Him because He’s my covering. I seriously think He laughed at my joke though. That’s my truth. Have any of you ever felt like that?
I apologize if I cause you to feel uncomfortable and perhaps concerned, but God is not just relevant for spiritual things. He made us and not we ourselves, (Paslms 100:3). All of his creation is interrelated. All his creatures have mates designed especially for them. Let me remind you, He knows intimately these struggles that we don’t speak about very often.
Ladies, like I’ve stated above, I know my cycle was close but my body tells me something else was happening. My hormones were driving me up the wall, like the wildebeest, the gazelles and zebra running through the Serengeti in Africa. Did I mention how crazy it drove me, how crazy it made me feel, it was crazy! I find myself ever so often asking the Lord to please help me to combat my strong urges. The older I got the more I realized how my desire for sexual intimacy grew. I was a legal virgin, experiencing a crazy sex drive! What in the world was happening to me? Dear Jesus, what am I supposed to do with my sexual urges if I’m still single? Like I mentioned above, many Christians believe that the sex drive is evil, so they attempt to repress or ignore it. I’m not ashamed to say so because the truth is, this is our design, we’re sexual beings. He knows intimately these struggles we suppress.
For years I was mortified by these feelings. The enemy even try to use it against me. I find myself making confession for sexual sins when indeed it was just a natural chemical frequency within my body chemistry. God created you and me with these sexual feelings, with the compulsion to seek out and mate with members of the opposite sex, (I still believe that a man should pursue a women) to enjoy the physical pleasure of sex, and to produce offspring within the context of marriage. He’s fully aware of my faculty. Ignorance is no bliss.
I learnt really late in life that nothing was wrong with my desires for sex, simply because it’s a God thing. I grew up uneducated about sex. You can consider me a dark age girl. Ignorance is no bliss. I grew up with a single mom and not much was said about it in our home. As I young Apostolic Christian girl growing in Jamaica, the talk of sex was always hush hush and appeared always sinful. But it’s not when it’s done in the right context. I used to feel bad two weeks before and after my cycle because I was desiring for sexual intimacy from the opposite sex. I am grateful for The Holy Spirit, my teacher, councilor, and guide who corrected my ignorance and let me know assuredly that absolutely nothing was wrong with me. He ministered to my spirit that day and let me know that everything God created was good and sex is one of that good things God created. Before that encounter, I wouldn’t talk about sex, but would purposefully and intentionally shy away from it. I had a hard time talking about sex until the Lord instructed me that it was a beautiful thing He created.
The Holy Spirit guided my me in the matter. I remember praying all the the time and asking God to take away my feelings. Has anyone ever prayed like me? All I wanted to do was to please God because I thought my sexual feelings were displeasing to him simply because I wasn’t married. Once the Holy Spirit ministered truth to me, through reading and study of the word of God, I realized I was foolish in asking God to take away something ‘good’ that He has done for me like creating my feelings.
I’m glad He loved me enough to not give me the
desires of my heart and instead give me His desires.
Dear beloved ones, I don’t know what God has planned for your intimacy. When I realized how much God cared about my sexual feelings/urges, I bared it all before Him. I’d like to say to all of my set-apart Kingdom sisters: unmarried, no prospect of marriage or known interest on the horizon. Those of you who are in relationships that should be heading somewhere but the vehicle is moving slower than a turtle or not moving at all, be of good cheer. Talk to God, be as honest as you can, and bare it all. Talk to him about how you feel, rejection, loss, pain, the need for intimacy. Interact with Him based on your relationship with Him.
The truth is that God love us and wants us to be enriched in His word. Sex is beautiful and is a holy gift, but is it not to be worshipped or perverted. It was only designed for the union of two in a Godly marriage.
P.S. Seeking God to send you a husband just to fulfill your sexual needs are not what marriage is all about.
I love you so much, I’m always praying for you.
please leave me a comment and share with your sisters.
Your sis, In Christ💕👸🏽